I feel rather…well, blank right now.
Writing an obituary on someone who died this morning can do that to you. Because he was this former city official, my editor felt we should get something into this week’s edition. So I had to call the other officials he knew and worked with…I had to call the funeral home…
And that was all fine and dandy with me. I can do this. I can make sure I don’t get emotionally involved, because I need to be objective.
Then I called the family.
I mean, sure, I was doing my job. But…this man. He died this morning from a heart attack. THIS MORNING. And I called his family hours after it happened.
I understand timeliness and trying to get things as up-to-date as possible. And it’s my job to do these things. But this is just one of those personal things for me. I shouldn’t have called. Not yet. Maybe tomorrow, but not the day of.
I mean, it’s not like I was obtrusive. I tried to be as sensitive as possible. But I actually asked, “How are you today?” out of habit, and the son replied with a kinda bitter laugh, “Not so well, actually.”
Forget feeling blank.
I feel horrible. Absolutely horrible, like I am the worst person in the entire world right now.